NEPEM and Understand

This past semester at BYU-Idaho, I attended a class called Parenting Skills, which was quite educational. The NEPEM model is what we've been utilizing (National Extension Parent Education Model). This class has taught me a lot regarding parental skills, and I'd like to pass on some of what I've picked up, particularly the three concepts that have had the most significant influence on my life. Let's get started with the topic that this post will be devoted to, which is "understand."



Understand


The second category that makes up the NEPEM model is "Understand." For us to be successful parents, we need to have an understanding of our children. Therefore, the experience that takes place needs to take place on two levels:

1. Acquainting yourself with the stages of development that your child will go through.
2. Understanding your child is of the utmost importance.

Acquainting yourself with the stages of development that your child will go through.

A child's growth and development can be divided into four distinct stages: the first from birth to two years old, the second from three to six years old, the third from seven to eleven years old, and the fourth from twelve to seventeen years old. Physical, cognitive, and social-emotional development all coincide in children during these several developmental stages, which are not always present at the same time but are on average. To genuinely understand our children, we need to know that they are going through these three stages of growth from infancy until their late teens.

But why is it so critical that we comprehend our children? One of the most important things I've learned thus far is this: 
"Your child's abilities, worries, and needs change as they grow and mature. Your approach to parenting must also evolve with time" (Steinberg, p. 65). 

So, to be a good parent, we must first understand our children and their development. Consider the following:

Julia was about to begin a new school year as a kindergartener at a brand new school. Julia stayed calm as the school year approached, as she was already familiar with the routines of preschool. That all changed on the first day of school, however. It had nothing to do with school, but Julia was adamant about not wearing the clothing that her mother had chosen for her that evening. Her mother was perplexed; Julia had never had a problem wearing what she had chosen. "Julia, it's time for you to get dressed." I want to wear what I want to, " Julia said, shouting a little. Unfortunately, a concession from Julia or her mother would not happen soon.

What exactly went wrong in this scenario? Is Julia too hard on herself, or is she just being stubborn? How much did her mother exert influence? Although neither person was directly responsible for creating the problem, Julia's development led the two into a confrontation. This can be found in a Parents magazine article:

"It's a good indication if your child has suddenly started talking a lot about what she wears because it means she's getting older. However, preschoolers are also at a point in their development where they are seeking to assert their individuality and test the boundaries of their surroundings." A spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics, Alanna Levine, M.D., explains.

According to this quote, if a youngster wants to do something different from the norm, it does not mean that they are being rebellious, but rather that they are developing their independence. If a child can test their autonomy in this way, they will be able to make more and more responsible decisions as they get older, which is a positive thing.

Julia's mother still desires that she dress appropriately on school's first day. In addition, now that we have a better idea of why Julia acted so strangely, Julia must be allowed to express herself freely going forward. Is there a solution to this conundrum? Cynthia's mother might provide her with three different outfits to choose from. Julia's mother would be delighted that her daughter looks put together, and Julia would be glad that she had a choice in what she wears in this circumstance. " 

Regardless of how you feel about it, you must adapt your parenting approach as your children age. Changing the way you parent is not a sign of weakness; instead, it is a sign of flexibility to help your child grow.


Understanding your child is of the utmost importance.

During the middle to late 1800s, Brigham Young served as president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. During this time, he provided some advice on how to better comprehend children:

"Bring up your children in love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them to love you rather than to fear you." Bring up your children in love and fear of the Lord. (Widtsoe, p. 207.).

It is important to "learn their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly," which is the aspect of this phrase that I want to emphasize. For us to be good parents to our children, we need to have a good understanding of who they are as individuals. Not only do we as parents need to understand our children, but our kids also need to feel like we get them.

Children are very similar to adults in that they, too, face difficulties and obstacles. When we look at the challenges they face, they might appear small to us, but our kids experience them in a very tangible way. Children have the same need as adults to be understood, to feel that we are understood, and for others to affirm us and our emotions.


Citation

  • Widtsoe, J. A. (1999). Discourses of Brigham Young: Second president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.
  • Steinberg, L. D. (2005). The ten basic principles of good parenting. New York: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
  • Levin-Epstein, A. (2018, November 05). Letting Kids Choose What They Wear. Retrieved from https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/social/letting-kids-choose-what-they-wear/
  • DIVECHA, D. (2017, April 11). How to Better Understand Your Child. Greater Good; greatergood.berkeley.edu. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_better_understand_your_child
  • Understand Your Child Better With These Child Psychology Tips. (2022, February 1). Child Development Institute; childdevelopmentinfo.com. https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-psychology/#gs.65n7a6


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